The Firebug
The Firebug Finds LoveIf they made a sulfur scented aftershave, I’d rock it. But I seldom need to shave. The man next door hides behind a beard. He sneaks outside to smoke cigarettes, an occasional...
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Didn't care for this one.i get that you are speaking to this man with your thoughts?
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thanks for the comments Octo, Siva and Wave I have slightly revised the poem -- not that it matters much -- will post the revision above
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H---strong medicine that clears my head while burning into my imagination.i like this poem very much. a demanding poem offering the reader a challenging POV. he might sense me behind the window’s...
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Love: the checkout girl where I get my matches is as beautiful as a butterfly in flames. Might just call it Firebug?
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thanks toni it could be titled Firebug....at one time I had a response poem written from the perspective of the neighbor. but that scribbling is now lost in the ozone....
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Hadley, I think I like the revision best. While not quite prose the longer lines give it the feel of prose which I think suits the almost conversational tone of the poem quite well. Lines that I...
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I like the revision better, too, and agree that you don't need the final question. POV/speaker of the poem throws me a little. "I seldom need to shave" suggests someone very young. Is the very young...
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Nice to see you, Chrispy. I guess it's all in how we interpret the poem. For me, that part about the bugs adds an especially sinister tone that makes the final line really scary . I remember this...
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For me, this is the poem, crystal, clear, contained, right here: My earliest memory was playing in the fire pit on camping trips; trapping beetles between the red hot logs until they sizzled, popped....
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H---I like the diary like revision: I’ve never had a real girlfriend, but the checkout girl where I get my matches is as beautiful as a butterfly in flames. a chilling and unforgettable insight into...
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Me again. This is another excellent poem, Hadley. I think the version with longer lines works slightly better. One tweak I'd suggest: remove "the" from "between the red hot logs" -- just let those 4...
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P.S. My response was based on the original poem in the thread. I didn't realize the threads were "upside-down" (to my mind, anyway). Cheers.
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Try :- My earliest memory IS playing in the etc. Present tense is good, but if you do make it as was suggested to be like from a diary - beware, cus as soon as anything is written in a journal or...
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thanks all -- I've been away and so it's nice to come back to comments and suggestions. all of which will be helpful with the revisions.... H.
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